Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
