saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The uberlube is also flammable
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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