I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
