If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
