every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
