I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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