Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
