i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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