I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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