No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
