Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
