He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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