I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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