Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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