So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you had me at cake vodka
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
