we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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