Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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