I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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