words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
