Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
