I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
