I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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