I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
