I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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