You can't special order awesome
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
