The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
