3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
