my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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