She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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