Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I currently don't understand fingers.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
