so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
