Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
