Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
