so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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