Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
