we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
