Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
