Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
