Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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