Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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