This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
