Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
