watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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