Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
