Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
