OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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