I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
