I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
