in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
