My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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