Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
