Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
