idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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