I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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