i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
