You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
