I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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