Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
