Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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