dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
