I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
