you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
