I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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