the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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