I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
