Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
