wrigley field is MILF paradise
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
