We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
