Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
