One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
