that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize