no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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