Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
