Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
