Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
