***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
