You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
